Cold Feet

Rob and I celebrate our wedding anniversary in one week. I remember hearing all about getting "cold feet" before my wedding. I have to be honest, I never got them. I don't recall a single second of doubt that this was the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. When I look back I actually remember our wedding time being a time of discontent for me in every aspect of my life except that one. The only real thing I knew what that he was "the one".



Now 7 years later I think of "cold feet" differently. I recall getting cold feet when I was growing up. It almost always happened in the Fall when the windows were opened all day and night. We weren't used to putting socks on yet because we were still in Summer mode. When it got cool at night, I would go crawl in bed with my mom because I was cold and she would let me warm my cold feet up on her warm legs in bed. At the time, I remember thinking "I can't believe she would let me do this?" The last thing we want when we are all snug in our warm bed is something cold to touch our skin. But now, in the early mornings in our home, I have 4 little people snuggled up next to me touching their cold little feet to my legs and I don't mind at all. Yes, the touch of them is cold, but the fact that these little people want to nestle up close to me warms my heart. I know something now that my mom must have known then: These days won't last forever. So I will enjoy their cold little feet for as long as I possibly can!

Perfectly Ordinary!

Today we had one of those ordinary days that I know one day I am going to look back on and miss so much that my heart aches for it. I thought for that reason I needed to write a blog and document how perfectly ordinary it was!
Paige woke up around 7 to eat and Rob decided to let me sleep in a little bit. Despite my typical super hero ability to go back to sleep no matter what, this morning I decided to take the time to myself to read my Bible and take a shower without managing little people. When I came down stairs, all the kids were up and I could smell coffee in the house and hear the Saturday morning cartoons blaring! My favorite thing is Reese laying around in his Spiderman undies wrapped up in a blanket. The air was the perfect Fall chill but the sun was shining and anxious to get into the Autumn spirit, Rob had started a fire in the fireplace!
We debated with the kids on whether it was a pancake morning or a cinnamon roll morning. Cinnamon Rolls won (thank goodness...they are easier). Then while the big kids watched TV and Paige slept in her swing, Griffin helped me make 2 Apple Cakes. One for us and one to take out to Grandma and Grandpa's house!
Grandma LeAnn dropped by to pick Griffin up and take him to stay all night with her and Rob left to go play Golf with some old friends. I took Reese, Addison and Paige with me to my dad's farm to pick Apples and deliver the Apple Cake we made.
While we were at the Farm, Reese found a toad. This was a moment I watched him with such pride and disbelief that time has passed so quickly! When did this, my first baby, turn into this little boy carrying a toad around with him?! Reese made a house for the toad out of a box, filled it with rocks, grass and an old apple (to attract flies so he could eat) & of course a cup full of water. "Timmy the Toad" I'm afraid was in the wrong place at the wrong time! He was handled very rough for a good hour before I convinced a very sad little boy that Timmy was better off in the wild! About 25 minutes after he let Timmy go, he came up to me and hugged me as tight as he could and cried the most heartbreaking cry you could ever imagine. I think it would be an understatement to say Reese was attached to Timmy! In this moment I couldn't help but think that one day I would be hugging away similar tears and heartbreak caused by a girl. At that time, I am sure I will recall this moment of innocence with disbelief in how quickly the years had gone by.

Once we got home I decided to throw together a pot of chili and after not much consideration, I decided popcorn was a much more suitable meal! Reese and Addison ate popcorn for dinner and we watched a movie in the dark (aside from the fire in the fireplace). They decided they wanted to sleep in Reese's room together so of course after getting the giggles out, they fell asleep right away! It is now 9:00, Rob is still out with the guys! I am sure he is having a great time! He deserves it! I am enjoying the peace and quiet with a glass of wine and a girly movie!
This day is what American Dreams are made of. No huge event happened, no winning a big game, milestones weren't met, babies not born, trips not taken... This was just a perfectly ordinary day in our home and every single second of it made me realize that God is so present in this home and life of mine. I hope to never take any of it for granted!

Letting go...

This month Reese turned 5 years old! Wow! How time really does fly! I can hardly recall how he turned into this little boy. While I am now a seasoned pro at motherhood (if there is such a thing), I still feel like every day is an experiment. To be honest, most days I still have no clue what I am doing. Not just with Reese, but with all of them. Letting go and letting them grow is such a hard thing to do as a mother!
Reese is going through this stage where he is a big boy, but he's still a baby. Recently he has started to want to pour his own milk. Hmmmm....when a mother has to pour milk for everyone this seems like a great idea, but when the milk he pours goes all over the counter and floor and I have to clean it up, it seems like it would have been a better idea just to do it myself. He also wants to take a shower on his own, wash his own hair, brush his own teeth and go into the men's bathroom alone. Yikes!! How good am I at really letting go and letting him be independent?

Addison (3 and a half) is constantly testing boundaries and pushing her independence (remind you of anyone?). I love that about her and despise it all at the same time. Do I give in because she asked for a piece of candy using both "May I" and "Please" even after she asked her dad and he said no. Of course I don't, but it is so tempting! She loves to dress herself! Its so cute what she picks out just because her plaid shirt is pink and her striped pants are purple! Letting go of that one is so hard for me, because the pants that go with that plaid shirt and the shirt that goes with those stripe pants make the cutest outfit (with their respective other half). I almost always let her chose what she wants to wear even though I cringe the entire time! Photos will probably prove to be fantastic memories someday!

Griffin (18 months) just wants to run! He is what we call in our house a "ram rod". He is crazy!!! He has so much energy and is the happiest when he is running wild! He is famous for picking something up and throwing it across the room. Nothing has been broken yet, but I am guessing he will be the first to throw a baseball through a window. He bangs things, he throws things, he climbs things and he tackles things. It's nothing short of hilarious to watch his caveman-like instincts! Of course I need to teach him some control, but I want to nurture the fact that he is athletic and active and just let him go wild!

Paige is so little but still gaining independence every day! She is almost 11 weeks old (I think)...(I can't remember how many weeks old she is anymore. There are a lot of kids ages to remember around here! ) For example, she holds her own head up and smiles when we talk to her. Those are easy steps in her growing! Sleeping arrangements seem to be my problem! She still sleeps next to our bed in her car seat. She sleeps in her carseat because she has acid reflux, which none of our kids have ever had before. I could probably put her in her room in her car seat, but she is the last baby we will ever have in our room and I am just not sure I am ready to let that go.
Each step they takes toward independence is both rewarding and frightening all at the same time. I know that one day not far from now I will be sending them to elementary school, then junior high and eventually high school and off to college. I know all of those steps will be much harder than these little ones, but letting go is just not something mother's are equipped to do very easily! Hopefully by the time they are ready to get married and have children of their own, I will be ready....until then I will work on perfecting this task of letting go.

(not so) SUPER MOM!

For the last almost 5 years of my life I am going to admit it, I have been trying to be Super Mom. First it started when Reese was born and I wasn't going to ever going to let him eat baby food out of a jar, let him watch more than a half-hour of TV a day and there was no way we would ever have a DVD player in our car especially out running errands! More recently it has been by just taking on more and more and more without letting anything go!
Don't get me wrong, our children have some days where they do nothing but watch television all day long. But it's okay because "it's Preschool on TV"! Thanks Nick Jr.! Griffin not only ate baby food from a jar, but not too long ago we found him chewing on Paige's umbilical chord... That's a true story!! Nasty, but true!! We typically put a DVD in when we run errands so that Rob and I can get 10 minutes of peace and quiet so we can have a conversation! We have let some of those things go, but the day to day of being a mom who stays home, who keeps a perfect house, who greets her husband at the door, who runs a business from home and cooks a perfect dinner, I haven't let any of that go (not in my mind anyway).
While I make light of it, recently I have made another decision in the process to reform my "super mom" mentality. I have decided that it is actually a big deal to be the mother of 4 kids in 4.5 years and to run a business and a household at the same time. I am going to stop acting like anyone could do this and give myself credit where credit is due. But I am also going to start being real about it and make some decisions to make all of our lives easier! I am actually excited about the future in our home because I decided to hire a nanny!
I want to have time to focus on the things I love, God, my children, myself and my husband! That means I have to have help! Right now I try so hard to focus on all of those things and the truth is I am not very good at multi-tasking! I have had the kids at a sitter on Tuesdays for a long time and and it is known that in our house Tuesdays are a calm day for everyone! I want more Tuesdays!! I am looking forward to spending 100% of my focus on work during work time, 100% of my time on my family when it is family time and 100% of my time on me when it is me time! Focus breeds productivity and productivity breeds contentment!
I feel such a sense of joy and accomplishment both from being home with my children and from running my own business. I can't imagine letting either one go. Hiring a nanny will allow me to have the best of both worlds! And the best part is that I am going to stop pretending like I can take on the whole world! Super mom can be defeated...this is my attempt at making sure she isn't! :) Time to call in the forces!

Observations by my children

Paige is so sweet and cuddly! She is worth every stretch mark and extra pound that she came with! Even more priceless are the observations that have been made by my children in the last few weeks! Beware, the observations are rated PG! :)

1. Addison to a friend from church delivering a meal: "Thank you for the food, but Paige only eats milk from mommy's special boobies and you don't have special boobies".
2. Addison: I think Paige is pooping. Addison: She looks sad. Reese: Lets give her some privacy, that always helps me!
3. Paige has a herniated belly button. One night while I was giving her a bath Reese proceeded to tell me the anatomy of each person in our house and when he got to Paige he said "Paige has a penis and a vagina". (Lets hope he isn't telling his friends at school about this)
4. Paige's eyes have blocked tear ducts so they get goopey a lot. One night we were eating hamburgers and Reese was very alarmed and told me that Paige got mustard in her eyes.

These moments are so precious and so hilarious! I wanted to take a moment to write them down so that I don't forget how sweet and innocent my children are. There is no lack of laughter in our home as long as they are making observations! :)

A new Paige!

After writing my last post I went in to see the Doctor. After the ultrasound the Doctor thought that our baby girl was going to be around 9 lbs 11 oz! Wow...that's a big ole' baby! So after a very painful amniocentesis (that was supposed to tell us if her lungs were developed enough to deliver, but ended up being inconclusive), my (awesome) Doctor decided to go ahead and induce me right away because apparently having a 10 pound baby isn't good for your body in later years. I guess I will find out since Griffin was just under 10 pounds when he was born!
I was induced around 3:30 p.m. on June 2nd and on June 3rd at 4:55 a.m. (my longest labor ever) Paige Joanna (middle named after my mom Joann) decided to make her appearance. At 8 lbs, 5 oz. I was happy that she didn't meet that 9 lb 11 oz the Doctor had predicted. However, 8,5 is pretty big for 37 weeks so I was happy to have her out of me!

She has a head full of black hair and doesn't look much like our other babies. She, like all my children, is gorgeous and I fell in love with her right away. I have this fear that because of this instant falling in love that I do with my children, that I may be a little like that Duggar woman. I really fear that I will never really be satisfied with the number of children I have. It's a good thing I have a sensible husband. I could easily be talked into a 5th! He, however seems to have more sense than that! Even when I read that post that I wrote last week I can convince myself so easily that it was worth every ache, pain and hormonal imbalance that it causes.
I am utterly and deeply in love with my children! All 4 of them!
I know people think I am "crazy" or "brave". Whatever you want to call it, I think it's blessed. I can't imagine my life without any of them. I do feel a sense of completeness in our home now. Rob said it best yesterday when he said "I can't explain it but I actually feel like a grown up now. Not somewhere in the middle."


Reese, Addison and Griffin tell us about every other minute how much they love their new baby sister. Reese says "She's the cutest baby I've never seen." I never thought it would be possible to love your 4th child as much as you love your first, but your heart just grows. I didn't have any expectations bringing her home. I just knew that whatever God had planned he would get us through it. We have a long way to go before we really know what Paige will bring into this family. She has already brought more love into our home... something I never thought was possible!

The End is Near

Well, the end is near. Today we find out when the Doctor will induce me. I am wondering do I now have to change the name of this blog, because mark my words, I am done being pregnant!

I do think that God does this to you so that you will do anything to get the baby out. What is "this" you wonder? Well, at the current moment, my feet have no ankles to accompany them! I pee about 5 or 6 times a night. Which wouldn't really be that bad if there was any possible way to get comfortable after I pee, but this huge belly makes it nearly impossible to get situated and by the time I do, I barely drift off and then I have to pee yet again. Laying on my back literally takes my breath away and walking up the stairs feels like walking a mile. Without all of these aches and pains and discomforts, I may be scared to death to push this baby out, but at this point, if they take this baby from my nose I will be happy, just get it out of me!

I am sure that one day not long from now, I will miss being pregnant. I will miss assisting God in this miracle. I do enjoy the little nudges and kicks. It's like a little secret language between me and the baby. She's just saying "Hey mom, I'm in here, don't get too busy and forget about me!". And who can pass up the opportunity to eat whatever you want and not feel guilty! Sure being pregnant does have its benefits. But I am nearing the end of my child baring years and I am happy to do so. Everyone says you just know when you are done and I know. This is what God had planned for our family. 4 kids in less than 5 years is good for me. I am done creating new children!

This post is intended for that day 2 years from now when all my friends are having newborns and I hold one and say "I want another one". I will hopefully (very quickly) come back to read this and remind myself that being pregnant is a long and difficult journey. The problem is that no matter how many babies I have, they will all grow up into little people and eventually adults. I am looking forward to assisting God in that miracle. The miracle of growing God fearing, loving, compassionate adults. It is afterall a miracle in this world isn't it?

Webster's Dictionary has one definition of pregnant: having possibilities of development. So with that in mind, I guess I am eternally pregnant. The possibility of development will always lie in how we grow our children!

A random day...

Last night I had a Thirty-One meeting and as soon as I got home Rob had to go into work until really late to spray greens (yes, he did that in the dark)! His plan was to sleep in this morning since he was planning to work until midnight. I woke up to the sound of him pulling out of the driveway at 5 a.m. I guess he wasn't sleeping in. I was bummed. My favorite days are ones were the kids come in and wake both of us by crawling into bed with us and then giggling because they aren't really tired. It seems like forever since we have had a morning like that!

Reese slept until almost 9:00 while Addison, Griffin and I came down in our PJ's (a rare occurrence in our home that we don't get dressed before making it down stairs). We had breakfast and read books all morning. At about 9:30 Griffin was ready for a nap and so was I. It's rainy here and we had no where to go.

Reese and Addison put on an hour and a half Dinosaur show for me in the living room. It was actually really good. We went to see Walking with Dinosaurs last week and they reenacted it remarkably well! The only problem was that I was having a hard time staying awake. This big ole' belly is starting to take it's toll on me. I heard Reese whisper to his sister "looks like mommy's tired, lets go downstairs and set up the stage for the big show tonight while she sleeps." Anyone with a 3 & 4 year old knows that you have to nap with one eye opened, which is what I did, but it was so peaceful! They did prepare a glorious stage for their show tonight! Really...it's amazing how their little minds work! There is a nest for the eggs and everything!

As I was trying to figure out what we were going to have for lunch, I realized we have nothing to eat in the entire house and I was starving and by this time so was Griffin (what's new!) I was creative and came up with something for the kids, but I really wanted Chinese food. So I called the place down the street (which I have never done before) if I had ever done that before I would know that I needed to order $10 of food for them to deliver. There is no way I can eat $10 worth of Chinese food and by this time I want it so badly I will do pretty much anything to get it. So I tell them I will be there to get it in 5 minutes. Well, thank goodness the Schwan man showed up right before we were going to leave because he informed me that I had a flat tire on my van. Darn it!! No Chinese for me!
Plan B a pint of Peanut Butter Passion from Schwan's. Yep that's my lunch after all, it has protein and dairy in it!
It has been a strange day, but I am going to take a nap while all the kids are sleeping....yes, another one! When you're 36 weeks pregnant and have 2 naps and a pint of ice cream in one day, there's really no way you can call it a bad day can you? Guess Rob will have a tire to change when he gets home, but hey, you can't have it all!

Exhausted and Overwhelmed

I think I have finally hit a wall. With 5 weeks left until baby #4 is due, I feel exhausted and overwhelmed by simple everyday tasks.

As of last week the baby is measuring a week and a half big and at my 30 week ultrasound she was almost 5 pounds. In a few weeks I will be having another ultrasound to see how big she is and at that time the doctor will decide when she will induce me.



I think we are ready. We have decided on a name (although we are keeping it a surprise), we have a new baby swing, a new car seat (who knew they expired?), and I even bought some diapers the other day. We still haven't arranged a bedroom or any arrangements for her to sleep, but that doesn't take much right? Griffin has been sleeping in a toddler bed in hopes that he will be ready to move into Reese's room by the time the baby is ready to move into the nursery. Last week Griffin decided to take his diaper off and poop on his floor...hopefully we can get past this stage before he moves in with Big Brother!

The truth is when I write it all down, it seems like we are pretty well prepared, but when I think about it I feel totally unprepared. I have been working a lot and May is such a busy month with Reese's school that I simply feel unprepared. I keep reminding myself that if every thing isn't in its place the baby will still come, she will still be loved, and the best part is she won't even remember what a wreck her mommy was through it all!

I've heard it said that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle, but right now I think God overestimated me! In just a few weeks we'll find out!!

My Reeser Beane

A collection of random thoughts about Reese at 4 years old!

Reese is turning into a little man every day. I can't believe his ability to comprehend the world around him. Even though I have (almost) 3 other children, I feel like Reese was just a baby yesterday. I remember how nervous we were when we brought him home. Once I remember Rob and I eating dinner and Reese was in the baby carrier and started one of the those gagging coughs that newborn babies do. Rob and I both jumped up and flipped him over about ready to do the Heimlich on him. Looking back the panic I remember feeling makes me giggle.

Another time I was in the shower and I heard Reese crying in his crib. He was probably 2 or 3 weeks old. I remember jumping out of the shower naked and dripping wet and running to get him. Now, here I stood, naked, dripping wet and getting ready to pick up my baby who was crying...what exactly was the plan here? I didn't have one, I simply wanted that sweet little boy to stop crying. I quickly realized that he could wait until I dried off and got dressed! Now, he seems to expect the same kind of service from us. Immediate response! I can't blame him, it seems we have trained him that way.

Because of how nervous we sometimes get with him he tends to be cautious. I think this is common of first children. He thinks things through before he does them. He doesn't like to try new foods. New experiences make him a little uneasy and he isn't a daredevil (which I embrace). The other day my dad wanted to take him for a ride on his golf cart and Reese wasn't having anything to do with it. After watching my dad take off as fast as it would go with it, I couldn't blame him! After watching his sister go for a ride, he did change his mind, but not before he observed very carefully!

He has an incredible way of delegating tasks to his brother and sister if he doesn't want to do them, but convincing them that he can do them if he wants to. This will become a very handy trait in later in life.

I've never met a kid more interested in science! He eagerly awaits his National Geographic magazine each month and at times prefers to watch National Geographic Channel or Animal Planet more than cartoons. If he does watch cartoons, they are typically science fiction type shows. I never thought I would allow him to watch some of them, but they feed his imagination and aren't violent so I can't see the harm!

Reese is such a lover! Yesterday I took him to the grocery store with me. It was the highlight of my day. He told me 3 or 4 times that he loved me and that he loved spending time with me! What a sweetheart! He has always been very appreciative of me! He is constantly telling me thank you for things I do that don't mean anything to the rest of the world. I remember one day when he was about 3 he said "thanks for putting the dishes away mom." Really??? He melts my heart! From that day on, I have never looked at putting the dishes away the same.

I pray all the time that his loving heart will never change. He will make some women very happy someday if he continues to have such a loving heart! I hate that he grows up so quickly, but I love watching who he is becoming! I can't imagine that will ever change!

No Batteries Required!

Addison yells with joy "Santa gave us these Reese"! Ummm....well, if Santa only knew! Today it is gorgeous outside! I have tried bribery, giving them water, shovels, bikes and sidewalk chalk. All of which have been rejected, but they have been playing with these boxes for at least an hour (inside of course)! I haven't even heard a single whine or gripe from either of them. Next year I think Santa might save some money and wrap up some boxes!



Griffin would stay outside all day if I would allow it. And I would be happy to do that if he didn't need so much supervision when he is outside. He wants to eat pretty much anything he can get his hands on! He is into everything! If I weren't 33 weeks pregnant, I know I would be enjoying his discoveries! I am officially exhausted right now though and he is officially into EVERYTHING!

Yesterday I caught him several times, in sneaking a bite to eat! I tried giving these to him in his high chair, but I think he was really enjoying eating right out of the box! Can't you see the remorse in his face?



If I can learn anything from these two things, it's this: the less I try to control them, the happier we all are!

Leaving on a Jet Plane...

I am so excited, (but more nervous) that I am traveling to L.A. on Wednesday! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity! Thirty-One has offered me and 20 (or so) other top directors with the company to fly to L.A. to the Direct Selling Women's Association National Conferences all expenses paid!

You might think that I am nervous because I am flying while I am 32 weeks pregnant, but really that doesn't bother me at all. I am nervous because I am going to be gone for 6 whole days! What a long break from reality!

Rob will be home with the kids while I am gone. The time leading up to my leaving is full of preparations to make sure that things continue to run smoothly while I am gone. Getting groceries, arranging for child care, car pooling, meals, schedules, reminders, etc. Not to mention I have to shop and pack for myself! I think that these trips are great for me to attend because by the time I get to the day I am supposed to leave, I am so exhausted preparing to leave that I desperately need a break! I should be excited and looking forward to 6 whole days of not retrieving sipping cups and changing diapers, but that's really not the case!

I know that Rob is totally capable of taking care of the kids! He is very responsible, but there are so many things I do here that I think go unnoticed! I pride myself in our scheduled naps, eating and bed times. That's how we keep any sort of sanity around here. I know in my mind that for the next 6 days, there may or may not be lunch at 11:30, there may or may not be naps at 1:30, the kids may not be reminded to brush their teeth twice a day, and there probably will not be a vegetable served that isn't in the shape of a french fry or tomato sauce!

In my mind I know that this time away from me is actually good for them and me. I am pretty sure there is no other time in my life I will get 6 entire days to myself! But my heart says "No don't go, they NEED you!"

I am guessing that part of what makes me nervous is being all alone in my thoughts. That happens so rarely and I am so used to my little people filling up any white noise around me that I am not sure how I will just simply relax and focus on me!

The time that the kids will get with Rob is important! I love that they can see their dad taking care of things and even though he doesn't do it the way I would do it, he does it great! If I could just get past the guilt that mother's tend to carry when we do anything for ourselves...I would actually enjoy this little trip of mine and know that when I get back I will still be needed! After all, those groceries that I got will run out eventually!

Maybe I'm wrong!

The last few weeks I have been getting more and more questions about when the baby is coming. I guess that this big belly actually looks as big as it feels. I never understood why people would say "You're carrying high (or low)" but this time I understand! This belly is low and only because my abdominal muscles have nothing left to give!
This time around has been very different from all of my other pregnancies. I have really felt good the entire time. The difference is that this time I have exercised the entire time. I started by running. I ran a little before I got pregnant and just kept up with it as much as I could. Then at about 6 months pregnant I couldn't do it anymore. This belly was weighing me down! So a friend (thankfully) encouraged me to do Palates Reformer. It has made a world of difference! I can actually still suck in my stomach! Most people who see me do it find it pretty amazing (and so do I really!) It's a trick I have never been able to do before at 30 weeks.
Today when I was leaving the gym, I saw a group of mom's who I know and they praised all my hard work and told me they don't know how I get through a day, a statement that I honestly hear frequently! As a matter of fact, I was at my mom's group the other day and had to talk to each table of 10-12 moms separately and no one (even the mom who had 4 kids in 5.5 years) could figure out how I was going to get through this huge responsibility that has been presented to me.
I guess I just do it and I don't think it's a big deal. This is what I have been handed by God. I can either lay down and die or I can get up and do what I need to do to get through a day. I have a lot of help! Plus I have an amazing cleaning lady once a week so I have to do minimal (although some) housework. We have 3 grandma's who love our children so much so we do get breaks occasionally. Not to mention my husband is my partner and supporter! He is an amazing dad and husband!
Despite all of that, I wonder what other people would do in this situation. I guess to some I may look like Wonder Woman, but really, I am just doing what I need to. Sometimes I even find myself feeling guilty because so much gets left undone. If you saw the top of my desk you would understand what I am talking about.
I rely on God to show me what I need to do. I pray constantly all day long about my kids, my husband, my business and the women in it. I even find some time almost every night to take a hot bath and read my Bible. In June I may have to give up that luxury for a while, but not forever! I guess I just get up each day and do what we all do, I get through the day and at the end of the day I sleep really well! To me, it's not that big of a deal, but maybe I'm wrong?

Mud Pies

Today they made mud pies! I decided that in 10 years from now, it would not matter if they ruined their clothes! They had so much fun!

Urgent vs. Important

The end of the month is always a very busy time for me with work. I find myself hunkered down in front of my computer following what my team is doing and adding up the totals of their sales, closing last minute parties, getting recognition out to my team members who met goals, and doing our family budget all while the kids beg for my attention. It is the most exciting time of the month, but also the most stressful. I imagine these are the weeks when my children wonder if I love my work more than I love them. I am constantly saying "not now, mommy's busy".
This week was no different except for the fact that it was 80 degrees and sunny! At the end of March in Central Illinois that is very rare! I wanted to take advantage of it, so I (like any workaholic overachiever would do) took my laptop outside while the kids played. Addison would say "Mommy will you push me". I would reply "In a little bit." I felt guilty the entire time! I know that she is more important, but I couldn't take myself away from replying to all my "urgent" emails. So the next day before I got out of bed, I decided to pray about my day. I asked God to really help me focus on my family instead of my work and he reminded me about something I had learned in February when Jill Savage came to speak at my team meeting. She talked about the "Urgent" vs the "Important". Urgent things are those that call loudly like the telephone ringing, voicemails, emails, Facebook messages, doorbells ringing, work that has to be done, kitchens that need to be cleaned etc. They are things that if ignored aren't going to really cause any major problems in your life. Important things are those like children who need help with homework, husbands who need to be greeted at the door, children who want to tell you a story, and babies who want to be tickled and played with. It is inevitable that when you are tending to the important, something "urgent" will pop up. It's important to know when to ignore the urgent!
I am really trying to step away from my computer when my children want to tell me a story even when it is 15 minutes long about bakugaun or princesses. I have noticed that I am still able to tend to the urgent because the important are not at my feet begging for my attention. I think this is going to be a struggle for me for the rest of my life, as it is with every mother. Case and point being that I started this blog on Thursday and it is now Monday and I am just finishing it! It's really interesting that when you actually take a step away from the computer to push your daughter on the swing, you realize she only really needed your attention for 5 minutes and after that 5 minutes she feels so loved! What could be more important than that!?

My favorite day of the week is Tuesday

I love Tuesdays! Every Tuesday my children go to the neighbors house all day long. And even better than that, every other Tuesday we have a cleaning lady who cleans my entire house! Not only are my kids gone for the day, but my house gets cleaned without me lifting a finger. It's amazing, heavenly if I do say so myself! Some may say "why do you need a cleaning lady?" My answer to them is this: I run a business from my home and I have 3 children and I am pregnant. I can either clean my home or I can spend some extra time with my kids. I chose to spend the time with my kids.
I typically spend my Tuesdays working on my business, going to doctors appointments, or grocery shopping, but occasionally I will pamper myself, get my nails done or even do some shopping just for me. When I first started taking my kids to the sitter, I felt overwhelmingly guilty about it. I wasn't sure if I was really doing my job if I was taking a day off from my children. But as the weeks and months have progressed I realize that this was a blessing that God laid at my feet.
My neighbors' children are the same ages as mine and she has an in-home daycare, coincidence? I think not! Our kids love playing together and at the end of the day on Tuesday I feel so relaxed and rejuvenated. It really doesn't matter what I did that day, the fact is, I did it alone. I was alone in my thoughts and didn't have to multi-task, I just did what I needed to do for me. Usually on Tuesdays, we have the best meal of the week (whether anyone notices or not), I actually do my hair and make up and get dressed in real clothes that don't start with elastic headbands and end with rubber tennis shoes! And when they come home, they are worn out from playing with the other kids and have new stories and experiences to share with me and the best part is, I actually have the patience to listen to all of their stories.
I admit that every Monday night I secretly plan how great my Tuesday is going to be, all alone in my thoughts and having no one hanging on me and wanting my attention, but by 3 p.m. on Tuesday afternoon, I am always ready to welcome a house full of noise, endless chatter and laughter. At the end of every Tuesday awaits a loving, and welcoming mother and wife for my family! Tuesdays are my favorite day of the week and I am betting that my children and husband love them just as much as I do!

The Pleaser, the Negotiator and the Clown

I love watching my children grow into little people with personalities. They are all so different yet they love each other so much and I can't imagine our family without all their little personalities.
The Pleaser
Reese is your typical first born "type A". He likes things orderly and is very serious about the things he is passionate about. If he's in trouble, all I have to do is mutter the words "I don't like..." and he straigtens up. I love that about him, but it makes me worry about him too! When asked what he wants to be when he grows up, he answers very matter-of-factly "a paleontologist". To which many adults laugh and say "what's that?" I was so proud of him this past week when he had a class field trip where they discovered more about dinosaurs and his teacher said to me "he is quite an expert on dinosaurs isn't he?" She then proceeded to tell me how he knew all the answers that the teacher asked. This made my feathers puff up a little bit just like a proud momma bird!
Reese is a lover, not afraid to touch and hug and tell you that he loves you. He is the first one in my bed in the mornings and he cuddles up so close to me that I can rarely move without falling off of our king sized bed. I secretly hope those days will never end!

The Negotiator
Addison is perhaps the most like me. She pushes my buttons the most, but she carries a very special place in my heart because I understand her more than I understand anyone else. She is my sweet baby girl no matter what kind of exterior she puts on. She is unbelievably independent! She refuses to allow anyone to help her with pretty much anything. While this trait is frustrating when waiting for a 3 year old to button her shirt, it will be so rewarding as she grows into an adult who is trying to achieve a personal goal.
If I tell her no, she is likely to either try to convince me by wearing me down, or just asking another adult in the room! Sometimes she even says I told her it was okay. You have to admire her persistence!
The only thing that she is really attached to is the people in her life. Although she tells you she likes princess and Dora, it's rare that you will find her playing anything Reese doesn't need a playmate for (like Legos, Bakugan or Dinosaurs). She will give you lots of love as long as you make it look like it was her idea! Her love language is quality time. If you miss some one on one time with her in a day, she will find a way to get your attention and this is not negotiable!



The Clown
At only 14 months old Griffin has clearly made his place in this house as our clown. He is hilarious and he really isn't happy until everyone is looking and laughing at him. When he hears others laugh, he makes sure his laugh is the jolliest and loudest so you will turn to watch him.
When Reese and Addison are sitting on the floor playing nicely, he is very likely to jump on or tackle them when they are least expecting it. Luckily Reese and Addison welcome the rough play and join in happily.
Lately he has started standing up and acting like he is going to do a somersault and laughing hysterically at himself until everyone else looks and laughs too. He can often be found walking around with something over his face until someone says "Where's Griffers?" then he will let out his little giggle and then quickly reveal himself!
I can't wait until he starts talking and we can hear what thoughts are going on in that cute little head of his!

As we watch our kids grow into little people I wonder what this next child will add to our home. Where will she make her place? How will our household change with her arrival?

What makes you tick?

Today was a beautiful day! The weather was perfect the sun was shining and the temperatures were unseasonably warm and we had nothing pressing to do. Usually days like these are easy. Usually I feel like I have things under control on these kinds of days, but not today! Addison would show me, I didn't have control over her.
We planned to go to a friends house to have a play date. We have a half and hour in the car to get there and Addison kept screaming in the back seat. This was one of those nails on a chalkboard pointless screams that she (and I believe most little girls) have perfected and use when they are just bored! Of course to combat the screaming, I found myself screaming back "If you don't stop that, we won't go". I knew this was an empty threat. Every mom knows that play dates are just as much for mom's as they are for the kids (maybe more so). So after the 3rd blood curddling scream I decided a new threat was in order so I said it.. "if you do that one more time, I am going to pull this car over and spank your bottom." And so of course, she, being my daughter and always testing authority did it again. So I said "Addison, stop it, I am going to pull over and and spank you." hmmmm...didn't I just say that like 3 minutes ago? So on the 5th and final scream I stopped on the shoulder of the highway and got out of the car walked around to her side, got her out of the car and gave her one firm swat on her toosh. She let out a pathetic "uuuuhhhhhuuuuhhh" that lasted about a tenth of a second and at that moment I knew she had learned nothing from being punished. I got back in the car, and as I began driving, the car tires let out a "ffffrrrrrrrrr" noise from the grooves in the shoulder and Addison began laughing hysterically and she said "Mommy, can we pull over again? That was fun!"
Yep, I am pretty sure she learned nothing and I on the other hand learned that I have no idea what makes her tick!

Surprise!

After one miscarriage and a major broken heart, we welcomed our first baby boy, Reese in Aug. 2005, with opened arms! He was our world! After he was born I remember thinking "this is what I was born for". I never felt that overwhelming mom feeling of not knowing what to do. God just blessed me with the ability to follow my instincts and I was so happy to have him! We always knew we wanted more than one baby, but had never really talked about how many that was.
I remember once Rob jokingly said "lets have 6 kids" and I said, "uh...maybe you can have 3 with me and then 3 with someone else but this girl is not having more than 3 kids". That was really the only time we talked about a number of children.
About 7 months after we had Reese we got the news we would be moving home to Illinois! We were so excited! Rob got a job there and I could find one shortly after. Little did we know that we got a little going away gift from Wisconsin. 16 months after Reese was born Addison arrived! I remember thinking "who in the world has kids 16 months apart?". Apparently, after asking around, this is pretty common! We quickly and easily adjusted to having 2 children!
When Addison was 6 months old I decided to start a business with Thirty-One. My business really started taking off! It was crazy how fast things were happening! I suddenly realized that all of my dreams were coming true! I was able to stay home with my kids and have a job that I loved! Why not add more to the mix?
We were pretty sure we wanted one more baby and thought there was no way it would happen as quickly as it did with the first 2 so the winter after Addison was born we tried again and immediately I got pregnant again! Yep...if you're doing the math, that would have been 3 kids under 3! But God had another plan for our family. I miscarried that baby at 13 weeks. 3 months later I was pregnant again and exactly 2 years and 1 month after Addison was born, Griffin arrived!
I would love to tell you that my adjustment to a 3rd baby was easy, but it was an absolute nightmare! When Griffin was 11 days old he was admitted to the hospital for 8 days for RSV. To make it worse, the day before we left the hospital Griffin started crying and I am pretty sure he didn't stop until the day after he turned 3 months old. Both of us said "no way, never again"! No more babies! Part of me still longed for a 4th, but most of me was scared to death this colicky baby was going to happen again! We decided to wait until Griffin was one to do anything permanent. A funny thing happened though, after Griffin hit 3 months old he was an angel! The sweetest most content little guy you could ever ask for. He was...in a word...delicious! So we wavered back and forth...do we want one more or not? The thought was maybe in 3 or 4 years we will want just one more. But then I went to this great Leadership meeting for Thirty-One and got all excited about my business! I decided it was time for Rob to get a vasectomy! Woo hoo...freedom at last! But there was one last thing I had to do before I made his appointment... take a test...you know the kind... where you pee on a stick and hope it reads "pregnant". This time I hoped it read "not pregnant".
As always God showed me that he is in control of this crazy life of mine and the dreaded word "pregnant" popped up on that screen (I buy the expensive ones, the ones that cannot be mistaken).
So there it was... the decision made for us! Baby number 4 was on it's way and I have officially been pregnant for the majority of the past 4 years!
So that brings me here to this blog where I am going write what I am thinking occasionally so that between poopy diapers, mommy brain and my still thriving business, I can write down some thoughts and possibly remember how I get through a day!